G-I-L-D-E-R-O-Y Lockhart
by Emma the Dilemma
Summary: Lockhart tries to teach a classroom of 'potential' fans how to spell his first name. Please R/R


Ideas for next story…

**A/N:** The long annoying author's note appears at the bottom. Read away!!

** **

** **

G-I-L-D-E-R-O-Y Lockhart

Gilderoy Lockhart strode into a Charms Wizarding Primary School classroom, wearing sweeping magenta robes. He addressed the children condescendingly, "Good Morning children. You are all my 'potential' fans and that is how I'll treat you. Firstly, we will have a small spelling test containing some *essential* words that will carry you through your life as my fan." 

He casually waved his wand and pieces of paper landed neatly on each table along with a pencil. "Please write your name in the top left hand corner and label the page 1 to 20. Prepare for the first word now", he said bossily as some children fidgeted in their chairs. "The first word is Lockhart…" boomed the real thing. For 40 minutes he bored the children with words such as Gilderoy, banshee, yeti, popular, magical, charming, regal and many more words, which he obviously thought people could relate back to him. 

After the final word Lockhart called, "Pencils down children!! Hand your tests to the front and then you may go home. Same time tomorrow, same place." The tests were handed to the front and Lockhart shuffled them as the children scurried out, murmuring.

_ _

_The next day…_

As the children took their places in the classroom Gilderoy Lockhart glided in looking disturbed in sky blue robes. "I have marked the tests from yesterday and am extremely distressed over the results. Therefore, I shall teach you all a new method of spelling those words that the majority of you presented problems with." 

After saying this Lockhart walked slowly over to the board and wrote upon it 5 words – Glidoroye, Gildoruying, Jildory, Gildewey and Idiot. "These", forced Lockhart, "Are five random spellings of my first name according to the test," At the back of the classroom a few kids giggled Lockhart gave them an evil eye as he looked up from the seating plan. 

"Miss Hille my name is not Glidoroye nor", his gaze shifting across the room, "Is it Gildoruying, Miss Kitarah." At the back of the room sat three boys attempting to stifle their laughter. "You three must be", glancing at the seating plan, "Masters Wittle, Keely and Rockwin", the boys all nodded soberly as their names were called. Lockhart continued, "Master Wittle and Master Keely please take note that my name is not spelt Jildory nor Gildewey. As for Master Rockwin", said Lockhart not at all bearing his white teeth. "He will have to learn that fame does not evolve from being the class clown and naming visiting guests, who are merely attempting to teach you something new, vulgar names including – idiot." Once Lockhart had finished his cliquey the whole room burst into laughter and only quieted when Lockhart started talking about some banshee he banished.

"Now, onto that new method of spelling", Lockhart looked around the room, "It's called… well it doesn't officially have a name but lets just call it 'Lockhart's never-fail spelling method (conditions apply)'. For example take the simple word, cat. We would turn that into an acronym and produce a sentence out of it such as **C**harlie **A**te **T**om", he said as he wrote the sentence on the board. 

"Now", he said erasing the board with a flick of his wand replacing it with GILDEROY, "Let's try 'Lockhart's never-fail spelling method (conditions apply)' with a slightly harder word. My first name, Glideroy. Any suggestions?"

A meek-looking girl in the front row shyly raised her hand and when Lockhart called upon her she said in barely a whisper, "What about um… Guys illustrating leprechaun diaries estimate rave over yoga?" she raised her head to see Lockhart's white teeth-filled smile.

"Yes, that's a wonderful start!! Any other ideas?" asked Lockhart, looking around.

This time a male hand rose into the air. The boy to whom the arm belonged showed neither compassion for Gilderoy Lockhart as the girl in front showed nor the insolence the boys in the back row displayed. He did not appear a scholar and Lockhart would have most certainly over-looked him if his hand did not quiver in the air. 

The boy didn't wait for Lockhart to acknowledge his presence and rather blurted out, "Golden idiot loves death everything rocks over you."

Lockhart looked puzzled and merely said, "Well that didn't quite make sense but a valiant effort all the same. Any one else??" he looked around the room and was about to speak when, "Oi," a harsh voice rang out from the back row, "Yeah I got one it's perfect!! Gits in ladies' dresses eat rotten oatmeal. Yum!" The class barely subsided in to giggles when Lockhart, keeping calm, said, "Alas, Master Rockwin, I was thinking more along the lines of Gorgeous in ladies' dreams evermore recipe of youth."

The whole class gagged with the exception of the girl in the front. Everyone bar her rushed for the door with Lockhart calling after them, "I also noticed that you had trouble spelling Wagga Wagga. You've got to remember that it's the same word twice and it doesn't spell as it sounds…"

A distant groan was barely audible.

**A/N: **Did you enjoy? Hopefully. Well I'm not going to grovel at your feet for reviews; it's below my level. ;-) Also a note to my non-existent reviewers - the tea party is on at 10.30am on Friday. Be there. :-) 

Thanks to Vicki for beta-reading the fic and thankies to my thesaurus!!

I have more fics on my profile which you might like. Check 'em out!!


End file.
